Day 2 - A picture of you y the person that you have been together with the longest

This was really easy for me to choose, since I have one little brother who is only 2 years younger than me.

I was 5 when my parents finalized their divorce y Tay was 3. We grew up together. No matter what happened to one of us, it happened to the other one, because it was just the two of us, since my mom had to work to be able to support our little family. Taylor y I ran Cross-country together, we had the same interests, etc.
I learned at a young age that he looked up to me y when I heard him say a “choice” word I pinned him to the wall y told him never to use that launguage again. He looked at me y said, but you say it. After that experience with my brother, I tried my hardest to be a better example to him.

He was married almost 3 months ago y he is so happy. I am so glad that our relationship is transforming into an adult relationship y that he is married. I want the best for my brother y I will do anything to protect him y his family, it’s what I do.

Day 1

Day one is a picture of yourself y 10 facts about you.

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1. I love sports. I didn’t start playing them until I was a freshman in high school. I can tell you that if it wasn’t for cross-country I would have easily gotten into drugs or I would have been a dad at the age of 17 or 18. I learned a lot about working as a team to obtain what you want y as I mentioned, it helped me become the man that I am today.

2. I love to read. Ever since I was a little kid, I have found escape in the pages of books. I would stay up late trying to finish a book, just so that I could start another. When I was in 3^rd grade, the librarian told me that I was reading books to advanced for my age y when I was in 6^th grade, they wouldn’t have any books that I could read.

3. Country music has become something that I cherish. I started listening to it because of a girl, most of the goods things in my life have come around because of a girl, y I fell in love with it. It’s what I listen too, when I am having a hard day y I need to relax a little.

4. I love my family, along with sports, I would not have become the man I am today. My mother, brother y I have been through a lot of trials in our short lives but we’ve always had one another to help each other get through it.

5. I love movies. I love movies that make you think or that have a good moral. I honestly do not like movies, like Scott Pilgrim, that are just dumb or have no redeeming values. One of my favorite movies is called Adam.

6. I have no self confidence when it comes to females. I was engaged once y the girl ended it by telling me that it didn’t feel right. I have no hard feelings towards her, but I never was given a reason, besides that it didn’t feel right. In the end, I wasn’t good enough for her, she is actually getting married in a couple of months y I am excited for her, because she found someone that will make her happy. When I meet a girl, I automatically assume that there is a better guy out there for them, so I don’t try because I don’t think that I can take another rejection by an amazing girl.

7. I love people. I want to be a social worker when I am done with college. I want to help people learn how to help themselves and work through their issues. When I meet someone I truly try my hardest to build a good rapport with them, so that I can get to know them better y hopefully they’ll trust me to allow me to help them. If they don’t know how much you care, they don’t care about how much you know.

8. I am a spiritual person. I consider my religion to be very important to me. I have learned a lot about myself by making mistakes, but also by doing what is necessary to correct those mistakes by the power of the atonement.

9. I loved my cat. He passed away a couple of weeks ago y I miss him. I used to sit there y talk to him about what was going on in my life, because I never felt like I was burdening him, but that he loved my company. We were together for 17 years y we grew close. My mom used to call Momo, my dog. I used to be able to whistle for Momo whenever I was outside, and he would come running to me. In the later years in his life, he used to come to my window at night y meow so that I would let him in to sleep with me, I always let him in y I would wake up around 6-7am to put him outside, so that my mom wouldn’t come down and see him.

10. I love to travel. I have been fortunate to travel to different countries, Argentina, England, Ireland, Mexico y Canada, in my life. I have been exposed to many different life styles, y I have a good concept on how life works outside of my sheltered little community. I love meeting new people as I travel y truly getting to know another culture and how they live life.

Growing up is hard, but harder when people still expect you to be the person you were in high school, 2 years ago or even 6 months ago.

People tell me that I have grown up a lot over the past few months, but my good friends, still act as if I am the irresponsible one, the screw up that can't be serious. I don't like the way, that I feel around them, I hate feeling inferior to anyone. I can't say that about feeling superior, but I only like that feeling when playing sports. I want to be equal to others.

I have grown up a lot. A year ago, if you told me that I would have the best semesters of my life, I wouldn't have believed you. Or that I would have been engaged y then have it called off, again I wouldn't have believed you.

I guess, I hate being around my old friends, because all I see is how I have, yet again, screwed my life up. How I had something awesome in Kate, but again I did something wrong.

I know this, no matter what, I am a better person because of Kate. She helped my focus on what is important in my life.

I realized that I have a lot of complications in my life, I am broken y I have no idea how to fix me. I put a mask on, so that those that know me don't see the pain that I am really in. I don't want to be a burden on others, I just want to be me y happy again.

Reflecting

I've taken a step back this past week to really look at my life y see where I have wandered in this path entitled "Life" y I realized that I didn't like it. I'd allowed myself to become a jerk to others y spiritually I was dead, I hadn't read my scriptures in the longest time y Heaven knows how long it has been since I've attended a temple session.

I feel bad because I was pushing everyone away y I didn't know it, all I knew is that I didn't want anyone around, I wanted to be alone all of the time y didn't care about anything. It wasn't until my Mother came downstairs y asked me what was wrong did I realize that others could really see that I wasn't in a good spot. I decided that day that I had to change my life around or I would continue on my spiral out of control y wake up someone I don't want to be.

On a brighter note, my birthday is Saturday y I dunno what I should do, as in where should I go to celebrate? If I have any readers, which is highly unlikely, I want to leave town to enjoy the start of my 24th year somewhere, but where should I go?

Learning my faults

Like they say everyone differs from the person next to them y I should know this since I am going into a field where I study people y watch them. They also say only a fool will try the same thing twice after it failed the first time.
So the last girl I dated was an amazing person, I mean AMAZING. the thing is I have no idea how the relationship happened, it pretty much fell into my lap, she actually came out y said, what are we doing, I like you y what is your stance on this whole situation, etc.
Well there is this girl that moved into my ward over the summer y I've had a little crush on her for the longest time, but again I figured that I would do the same thing with her, let us just say I crashed y burned. All I have learned about myself is that I am more evasive with my feelings than I was almost a year ago with Elisa y I missed my opportunity to maybe have something with this new person!!

God loves me

I've always known that I am loved by my Heavenly Father, I mean he has always been there when I've needed him. I guess I've been down lately, I mean I haven't really wanted to do anything with anyone, I get agitated really easy with everyone over dumb things.
Today I just really was being a-social y not planning on doing anything with people, I just wanted to fill sorry for myself (I know I know, that sounds dumb y lame), but as I laid in my car prior to taking a nap, I was contacted by one of my old friends, telling me that she was worried about me y really just wanted to check up on me. In that moment, I knew that I was being watched over y that I needed to get out of my funk, but yeah.
I feel bad, cause another friend of mine was having a down day, but I didn't do anything about it, so yeah, I'm the bad person today y only hope that tomorrow I'll be better at trying to make someone feel good about themselves!!!!

Tay

I am a horrible person. My little brother is coming home from his mission on Friday night y I have decided not to make a big deal about it. I'm not going to cancel any plans that I have when he's home. I mean I am planning on going the the Utah vs BYU game Saturday. I figure that the kid will do what he wants, that is what I wanted when I came back from my mission.
I will always remember this, when I first got back y was released, Tay y I went to visit some old teachers at PHS. I wanted to go visit one teacher while he wanted to visit another. He asked if it was okay for me to be alone, I mean I had just spent 2 years not being alone.
Taylor may hate me for it, but I'm going to make him get used to not having a companion anymore as soon as I can!