" You look so happy! Better than I've ever seen you:)". A good friend sent me this little message the other day, when she saw a picture with me y the girl I am dating. Well I just wanted to let y'all know that she is the most amazing person in the whole world.
She always apologizes for not doing enough for me, but she has no idea how she has changed me for the better. After I broke up with Diane, I didn't think that I would find a girl that would make me feel the way she did y that is true, I found someone that has made me feel alive. She makes me feel, like there is someone out there that needs me, to give her emotional support, to make her feel like nothing in the world can hurt her. I'm just doing my best to let her know that I care y that I'm not going anywhere.
The other night I was talking to her y was telling her why I liked her. First off, like most people, she can't handle compliments that well, but she had to move to the other couch, but I know she liked it, she was just embarrassed by it.
I'm happy, super happy. I am going to do what I can to make her life easier while I can. I'm also going to do my best to protect her from anything that might try to cause her harm.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Matthew 6:24
This verse of scripture has started to play out in my life as of lately. To be honest we are always faced with opostion in this world, some more than others y we can always choose to follow the path of the Lord or not to. There is no grey area when it comes to following the Lord's plan that he has laid out for us. That is why it is hard for me, I love someone so much that I want them in my life y have been trying to save the dying relationship over these past few months. I know what the problem is too, the problem is me. I am an actice memeber of the LDS church y this person detests the LDS church y all of their teachings. I am sorry I will not give up my religion, I know that sounds selfish, but I can't because it has shaped me into the man that I am y will help mold me into the man I will be.
This person, who so openingly detests my beliefs, is my father y he is a homosexual. Another thing that I have never told anyone, is that I miss him y wish that I could have a better relationship with him. The only thing is I am not willing to sacrifice what I will have to, to have the father y son relationship.
There has always been a strain on our relationship, due to the fact that I have been so active in the LDS church, that I knew one day it would cease to continue. We had a decent relationship after serving a two year mission for God in Argentina but, like most things, it was all erradicated by Prop 8, which I totally support.
Ever since then, my dad y his partner went through a falling out y he has gone under the radar. We used to text y talk but now it's all silent or if I get an email from him, I can't feel any love, I just feel cold.
Like I mentioned above my father hates the LDS church y I will not stop practicing my faith. That is why Matthew 6:24 comes into action. I have two fathers y I love both of them, but to follow one is not following the other.
I've heard it all from everybody. Miles your Dad is still your dad y it is unChristlike to discriminate others because of what they believe. Well I am not discriminating, I am waiting for him to love me for who I am y to say it. I am sick y tired of always trying, always hoping that he'll wake up y come back to me. Yet I know that the wedge has finally started to work. I can deal with that because I know that my other father will never leave me, no matter what y I will not sacrifce that relationship again to try y please people who don't care!!!!!
This person, who so openingly detests my beliefs, is my father y he is a homosexual. Another thing that I have never told anyone, is that I miss him y wish that I could have a better relationship with him. The only thing is I am not willing to sacrifice what I will have to, to have the father y son relationship.
There has always been a strain on our relationship, due to the fact that I have been so active in the LDS church, that I knew one day it would cease to continue. We had a decent relationship after serving a two year mission for God in Argentina but, like most things, it was all erradicated by Prop 8, which I totally support.
Ever since then, my dad y his partner went through a falling out y he has gone under the radar. We used to text y talk but now it's all silent or if I get an email from him, I can't feel any love, I just feel cold.
Like I mentioned above my father hates the LDS church y I will not stop practicing my faith. That is why Matthew 6:24 comes into action. I have two fathers y I love both of them, but to follow one is not following the other.
I've heard it all from everybody. Miles your Dad is still your dad y it is unChristlike to discriminate others because of what they believe. Well I am not discriminating, I am waiting for him to love me for who I am y to say it. I am sick y tired of always trying, always hoping that he'll wake up y come back to me. Yet I know that the wedge has finally started to work. I can deal with that because I know that my other father will never leave me, no matter what y I will not sacrifce that relationship again to try y please people who don't care!!!!!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Happy
Well first off, I am super happy. I haven't been this happy in a long time. Second I feel bad for how I became this happy. Here is the story;
I was a carni this past summer trying to forget a lot of things that had happened to me. Well I came home two weeks before I was supposed to come home, I have no idea why I came home early what-so-ever, but yeah. My first week home, Zac, Kenny y I went to 7 peaks with a bunch of college kids. Kenny introduced me to hs coworker, Jen. Jen was really cute, that was my first impression of her, but Kenny told me that I had no chance, but I tried anyways. I figured that it was better just to be friends. Over the past semester, we hung out a few times, but as the semester progressed so did our hanging out. I started to get the feeling that I should try to date her, but alas I never did, because rigth before Christmas break another friend told me that he was interested in her. So I decided to back off y give him a chance.
Over the break she would want to talk, so we talked every now y then. Last Sunday I falt out asked her if she had feelings for my friend y all she told me is that she couldn't see herself being more than just friends with him. I then asked if she saw him the way she say me y another friend. Jen then told me that she actually saw us working out y actually dating. Well I had feeings for her, so I decided to actually give it a try. I talked to my friend that liked her y he said he was okay with the ordeal. I felt bad for doing so, but I couldn't do anything.
All I have to say is, this past week has been a blast. We've hung out about everyday y yeah. No I have not kissed her y don't see myself doing so for a while. I feel like I am on cloud nine when ever we hang out though. Do I just give my heart away to easily or yeah. Anyways, yeah. I'll keep the bloggers updated!
I was a carni this past summer trying to forget a lot of things that had happened to me. Well I came home two weeks before I was supposed to come home, I have no idea why I came home early what-so-ever, but yeah. My first week home, Zac, Kenny y I went to 7 peaks with a bunch of college kids. Kenny introduced me to hs coworker, Jen. Jen was really cute, that was my first impression of her, but Kenny told me that I had no chance, but I tried anyways. I figured that it was better just to be friends. Over the past semester, we hung out a few times, but as the semester progressed so did our hanging out. I started to get the feeling that I should try to date her, but alas I never did, because rigth before Christmas break another friend told me that he was interested in her. So I decided to back off y give him a chance.
Over the break she would want to talk, so we talked every now y then. Last Sunday I falt out asked her if she had feelings for my friend y all she told me is that she couldn't see herself being more than just friends with him. I then asked if she saw him the way she say me y another friend. Jen then told me that she actually saw us working out y actually dating. Well I had feeings for her, so I decided to actually give it a try. I talked to my friend that liked her y he said he was okay with the ordeal. I felt bad for doing so, but I couldn't do anything.
All I have to say is, this past week has been a blast. We've hung out about everyday y yeah. No I have not kissed her y don't see myself doing so for a while. I feel like I am on cloud nine when ever we hang out though. Do I just give my heart away to easily or yeah. Anyways, yeah. I'll keep the bloggers updated!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
I'm sorry
EPH!!! I cannot believe how depressing this blog is! I am sorry that y'all have had to read this, well the only person that reads this, Zac, ha. I've been thinking, self pity sucks, so why write about it? Well I shall try to write more about my life, minus the depressing things!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Secret Santa
If any of you know my family situation, then you know that my mother hasn't had a job for the past 18 months, give or take. I am glad this happened now, that I am older y not when I was younger. I can see that my mom wants to be the best mother that she can be, I just cannot imagine someone having to tell their kids that they would be forgoing Christmas, only because they didn't have the funds for it. That leads me into the real reason for this post. My family was again blessed by a Secret Santa, like we were last year.
I can honestly say the past two Christmases I've spent here at home, I've been deeply touched by the spirit of Christ. Opening the presents I was overwhelmed with gratitude. To have people that care so much, to go out of their way, to bring a little joy into the lives of others, it's amazing. I honestly wish I was as thoughtful y caring as this family that cared for my family today is. I can also say, I have a good idea who it was y I don't know how to repay them. I learned a lot this Christmas, I learned that Santa is real y that he does look out for those who are good.
I can honestly say the past two Christmases I've spent here at home, I've been deeply touched by the spirit of Christ. Opening the presents I was overwhelmed with gratitude. To have people that care so much, to go out of their way, to bring a little joy into the lives of others, it's amazing. I honestly wish I was as thoughtful y caring as this family that cared for my family today is. I can also say, I have a good idea who it was y I don't know how to repay them. I learned a lot this Christmas, I learned that Santa is real y that he does look out for those who are good.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Lost
Shortly after Thanksgiving, my father y his lover split up. This isn't the first time that I've had to deal with my dad losing a lover, but this time it's different. I've never seen him so depressed. I mean he has stopped responding to my emails y my texts. His own family is worried about him but yeah.
I was talking to my mom today y we talked about, what would happen if he did off himself within the next few months? I mean it's scary how depressed he is. I just don't know what to do for him. We have a thing called religion that stops us from having a true relationship. I mean I try y always will try, but he cannot get over the fact that I will not stop going to the LDS faith. He hates it so much, he told me little brother on a mission, not to call him this year for Christmas.
My biggest streangh is also my biggest flaw, I care to much about others. I would honestly be a wreck if my dad did decide to end his life, I would have no idea how to handle it. I mean I wouldn't be mad at him, I would ache, only because I know that he is not y will never be ready to leave this world. I love my Dad for what he has taught me.
I learned passion from him. Those who have read his emails from the prop 8 deal will understand his passion, mine is completle different, but I know how to be passionate. I also ahve learned to stand up for what I believe, no matter what it is. Yes he stands up for Gay rights y I support the LDS church. Both of those things are important to us in our own way.
Again I love my dad y even if he hasn't been around much while I have grown up, I would be completely lost if he did steal the chance I have to build a relationship with him. A relationship that he has never had with his own father.
I'll be Lost.
I was talking to my mom today y we talked about, what would happen if he did off himself within the next few months? I mean it's scary how depressed he is. I just don't know what to do for him. We have a thing called religion that stops us from having a true relationship. I mean I try y always will try, but he cannot get over the fact that I will not stop going to the LDS faith. He hates it so much, he told me little brother on a mission, not to call him this year for Christmas.
My biggest streangh is also my biggest flaw, I care to much about others. I would honestly be a wreck if my dad did decide to end his life, I would have no idea how to handle it. I mean I wouldn't be mad at him, I would ache, only because I know that he is not y will never be ready to leave this world. I love my Dad for what he has taught me.
I learned passion from him. Those who have read his emails from the prop 8 deal will understand his passion, mine is completle different, but I know how to be passionate. I also ahve learned to stand up for what I believe, no matter what it is. Yes he stands up for Gay rights y I support the LDS church. Both of those things are important to us in our own way.
Again I love my dad y even if he hasn't been around much while I have grown up, I would be completely lost if he did steal the chance I have to build a relationship with him. A relationship that he has never had with his own father.
I'll be Lost.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Two words will destroy you
So to really understand the back story to this post you, most likely, will need to understand this story y this story. Well after I left my friends apartment that night, I sat there in the car thinking, why didn't I try as hard as he ex did to get back together with her y it worked. I just sat there y the words, "if only" swept across my mind, then so did a quote I had heard on Tuesday in institute. The quote is from this talk by President Monson.
"There is one phrase which should be erased from your thinking and from the words you speak aloud. It is the phrase, 'If only.' It is counterproductive and is not conducive to the spirit of healing and of peace. Rather, recall the words of Proverbs: 'Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
I really want to thank The Lord for knowing what exactly I would need to hear in that moment, if I hadn't gone to institute I never would have heard the quote y I would still be, mentally, beating myself up for what I lost over a year ago.
To all those that are in need of comfort, first stop destroying yourself with the words "What if" y take Elder Wirthlin's Mother's advice from his last talk in General Conference, "Come what may y Love it."
The Lord loves us y will never forsake us in our time of need. He will always be close at hand, ready to jump in, if ever needed but we are the ones that turn our backs on him. If we try our hardest to look at the small things, y give thanks for them, He does for us daily, how better off would we be?
"There is one phrase which should be erased from your thinking and from the words you speak aloud. It is the phrase, 'If only.' It is counterproductive and is not conducive to the spirit of healing and of peace. Rather, recall the words of Proverbs: 'Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
I really want to thank The Lord for knowing what exactly I would need to hear in that moment, if I hadn't gone to institute I never would have heard the quote y I would still be, mentally, beating myself up for what I lost over a year ago.
To all those that are in need of comfort, first stop destroying yourself with the words "What if" y take Elder Wirthlin's Mother's advice from his last talk in General Conference, "Come what may y Love it."
The Lord loves us y will never forsake us in our time of need. He will always be close at hand, ready to jump in, if ever needed but we are the ones that turn our backs on him. If we try our hardest to look at the small things, y give thanks for them, He does for us daily, how better off would we be?
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